I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
