He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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