I smell stomach acid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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