Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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