we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
