My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
