if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
