I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
