I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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