i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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