sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its not stalking. its research.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you had me at cake vodka
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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