he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
