i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
