I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
