some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
