I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize