don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
