One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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