I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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