that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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