I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
