She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How naked do you want me to be?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
