LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
