I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
