clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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