Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so explain again why im purple
no
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
