i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
