Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
