my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
