Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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