You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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