he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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