69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
