Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
