I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Soap is not a condiment
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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