no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
