I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize