we have officially lost it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
