is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize