shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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