he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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