My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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