Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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