i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
