I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
