I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
