we have officially lost it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
