We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
