You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did i walk over a car last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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