Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
