I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
