I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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