Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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