I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
