I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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