I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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