this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
