im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
