Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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