i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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