My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
