I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
