Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
