All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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