I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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