The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
