oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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