Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
