i already hear my dad disowning me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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