My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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