So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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