Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
