he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
