The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
