I got her a Nickelback box set.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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